Can you fall in love with a horse?
Answer, yes, I did!

Rocky my therapy horse

By LCDR Lynn Skinner, recovering service member in Florida

Your kind eyes beckoned me.

Your tall, strong body gave me an anchor.

I could safely lean in as your warm body held my weight with ease.

You sensed my need to feel safe while I was raw with vulnerabilities and worry.

Your spirit gave me repose.

I laid my hand on you and sank into the feeling of your beautiful white coat.

You had your rich and fluffy winter coat, and the texture felt great and relaxing as I ran my finger of one hand over you and the other hand with the brush while gently coached by my OT.

You did not care that I had a catastrophic health injury and needed you more than you needed me.

We connected in a way that felt natural and surprised me; it was unexpected as your warmth continued to draw me in. Your muscles, breath and body movement relaxed so I relaxed.

A healing place was created as we connected, and it was like water to a parched throat.

You trusted me, so I began to trust you.

You gave me so much more of yourself than I could give of myself to anyone really, and now a horse. I think you even helped me connect with my Cherokee heritage. I felt the spirit of wisdom and peace wash over me as my great grandmother and Nana spoke of while I was growing up not really understanding. “My dear child, every living thing and that rock you just kicked has energy, a spirit, and a place in this world and it should always be respected.”

To my surprise, you allowed me to hug you. My hands on both sides of your neck and my face resting into you. At first, we were both still, but as I ran my fingers through your mane and shoulders, you relaxed down on me and fell asleep. I felt bliss and no pain for the first time since my brain bled on 18 Nov 21! I did not want to let go, but you outweighed me, and I started to lean under your weight. You moved so I did not fall or struggle, gently and you gave me a nod and neigh as if understanding me, validating me. Suddenly, I felt my self-worth and value as a human being returning.

It was like magic, as we shared each other’s weight and relaxed into each other, the world, any negativity, fear, uncertainty, and my anxiety faded away like a veil was lifted. I could breathe in fully and release slowly and to my lung’s full capacity. Before, I felt like part of my breath was held as if it were to be my last breath.

Rocky, you made me feel whole, not broken, not disabled, not disadvantaged. You gave me back to me. I woke up in ICU having lost myself and inability to do anything by myself. I could hardly speak. I had lost so much and had no idea if I could or would regain who I was before. I had faith; I mean, hey, I woke up! But I could not even turn myself in bed or sit up, let alone walk. My nurse brain was screaming in my ears, but I could not get my body to follow the directions.

Therapy was hard, slow, and painful. My husband and BROOKS were amazing and always gave me compassion and dignity, but I felt lost and insecure with every movement. I looked grown up, but my body and mind were more like a toddler relearning everything.

Fridays at the farm with Hope Therapy gave me the desire to push and fight on. It was the only therapy I looked forward to. The only therapy that brought joy, laughter, a sense of self and forgiveness, and built up my courage and faith. It never focused on what I could not do but on what I could do. It took me a long time to realize I had to forgive myself for not being who I was or “perfect” and able-bodied. It is so hard to speak of, speak up, and ask for help.

You gave me the permission and “okay” to move through it and land wherever it was meant to be from all the therapy, plan of care, medicine, countless appointments, and medical experts.

Who knew a horse organization like Hope Therapy, PATH, and Wounded Warrior could heal a broken spirit that then allowed full healing? The multilayered therapies and extensive care plan fell into place, and I finally felt I was navigating it, not being pushed through it like a dark tunnel, wondering where the end was or the light.

Because of you, I am back in uniform as a United States Navy Nurse.

I am okay with who I am now because you showed me how to love, trust, try, and succeed when others said, “No, you can’t.” You believed and encouraged me when I could not do that for myself.

With your kindness, patience, and sometimes mischievous manner, I relearned who I am. Not who I thought I was or who I wanted to be. I got lost in the titles the world gives you.

Daughter, Sister, Nurse, Wife….they are endless and carry weight, not necessarily bad or a burden, but they can clutter, and you can hide in these titles and forget yourself. You, you were meant to be; your birthright, whatever that is. Even my twin; we have different journeys.

We learned through our own love language, and I became a better person because of it. You gave my spirit rich, nutritious soil in which to grow and bloom. Like a healing garden.

Remember when I held your halter up, and you shook your head and looked at me? You did not draw back or walk away. You calmly stayed and encouraged me to hold it up to you correctly. When I did, you placed your nose in it and allowed me to place it over your head and ears. You continued to be patient, as I had to fiddle with the claps, and I am still learning and improving my coordination and dexterity. I felt like your nod and beautiful bray were your way of saying, "High five, girlfriend, you did it!"

I never believed you could fall in love with a horse, but Rocky, I have fallen in love with you, and you will always be my spirit animal and friend.

---

Numquam Navigare Solus – Never to Sail Alone

Navy Wounded Warrior is an unbiased advocate that bridges the needs of commands, care teams, and service members in planning a way forward after a serious wound, illness, or injury. Staff guide Sailors and Coast Guardsmen, with their families and caregivers, to create a comprehensive recovery plan, which provides a holistic approach tailored to individual recovery, rehabilitation, and reintegration needs. The program allows service members and their families to feel empowered and supported as they adapt to their new normal. Tens of thousands of seriously wounded, ill, and injured service members located throughout the country received assistance from Navy Wounded Warrior.

Sailors and Coast Guardsmen may self-refer to Navy Wounded Warrior, or be referred by a family member, their command leadership or their medical team. Contact the Navy Wounded Warrior call center at 855-NAVY WWP / 855-628-9997, or email navywoundedwarrior.fct@navy.mil.